you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
