I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
