Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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