You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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