My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Houston, we have a blender
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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