I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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