That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
