I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
