Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
