that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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