Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize