is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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