someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
