I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
