I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
