Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
