Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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