There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
