Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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