WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
