Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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