I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
