I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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