You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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