If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize