allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
