Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
