I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
