wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
