how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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