He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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