Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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