I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
