What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
