There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
