just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize