He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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