everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
