why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
