u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
