How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
