FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
