just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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