Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
