I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
