Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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