I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize