You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
