I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
