you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
May the power of my ass compel you!!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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