I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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