I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
