woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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