dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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