I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
