i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he shaved USA in his pubs
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
