I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
