whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
