Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
