That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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