We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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