so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize