I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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