I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
