Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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