i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
