You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
