Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
