If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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